


Regrets

by Ematu



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-23 00:36:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4856501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ematu/pseuds/Ematu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen gets called to Josephine's office to meet a mysterious visitor....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Oh, long dreaming, find my tears

Scout Imogen skidded to a stop outside the main hall of Skyhold, took a few deep breaths and dusted off her tunic and armor. She had gotten distracted by listening to some of Scout Jim’s stories during lunch at the Herald’s Rest. Opening the door, she walked briskly down the hall, keeping her eyes on the door to the Lady Ambassador’s office.

 

She much preferred it before all the nobles and sycophants had started showing up and she could run about as she needed. The Inquisition was gaining power and everyone wanted to know what they were going to do. Inwardly, she rolled her eyes at the thought, keeping her eyes down enough that she wasn’t catching a noble in the eye as she made her way down the hall.

 

Imogen’s nose twitched from all the perfumes (or lack thereof) and she took shallow breaths to prevent a sneeze. She breathed a sigh of relief when she was able to close the door behind her. She leaned against it a few moments before she opened the second door and made her way promptly into the Lady Ambassador’s office. She hadn’t made it in two steps when she heard her name being called out.

 

“Ah, there she is! Scout Imogen, thank you for coming so quickly. If you please, can you find Commander Cullen for me please? I have a visitor for him.”

 

Imogen glanced up and noticed a travel-worn woman with long auburn hair. Quickly though, she lowered her gaze and nodded. “Yes, Lady Ambassador. Right away. Would you like me to send something up from the kitchens?”

 

“Ah, thank you, Scout. That would be lovely. Would you care for anything, Serah?”

 

“No, thank you. I’ll just wait.” Auburn-hair sounded tired and a bit travel-worn.

 

It was a long journey through the mountains to Skyhold. Imogen nodded to the Lady Ambassador and walked quickly out of the office and made her way out the main hall. Before leaving the building she ducked into the side alcove where Solas was working on a large mural. She liked this room. It was quiet, calming and the smell wasn’t quite as overpowering as in the main hall. She slowed down a bit, almost to a casual stroll as she looked at the growing mural.

 

“Good day, Scout.”

 

She jumped, not expecting anyone in here.

 

“Oh! H...Hello!” She stopped and looked around quickly. She saw him, up on a scaffold, a paintbrush in hand. She quickly looked down again, her cheeks burning.

 

“Can I help you?” His voice was gentle and she could feel it wrapping around her like a blanket.

 

“Oh, I … um … I w…was going to s…see if Commander C...Cullen was in his of...office,” she stammered and mentally kicked herself. She didn’t normally stammer, but she was extraordinarily nervous around the Elf companion of the Inquisitor.

 

“He hasn’t come this way today.” Smooth, even, like melted molasses, she could listen to him speak all day long (and there had been a day or two when she had tried to).

“Oh, well, thank you.” She looked up again and gestured awkwardly towards the door that would lead out to the catwalk and the Commander’s office.

 

“I should go.” She bolted and didn’t stop running until she was knocking on the Commander’s door.

 

“Commander Cullen!” she called.

 

Imogen heard a muffled noise from inside. She knew the Inquisitor was gone, had been for a week, out on a mission and the Commander tended to get cranky when she was gone. Their relationship was one of the worst kept secrets in Skyhold, but everyone pretended not to know.

 

She opened the door slowly, ducking down in case there was something airborne and headed in her general direction. Jim’s story today had involved vases, walls and a lot of cleanup. “Commander? Lady Ambassador is asking for you. She says you have a visitor? Commander?” She pushed her head inside. “Commander?”

 

A shaft of light pierced the semi-darkness of the Commander’s tower office, highlighting a mountain range of reports, a pile of dark furs and a patch of dirty gold.

 

“Commander?” She asked cautiously.

 

“What?” a growl came from the pile of paper and fur.

 

“The Lady Ambassador sent me for you. There’s someone in her office that wants to see you.”

A face appeared above one of the piles. An unhappy, scowling face.

 

“Who..?”

 

“She didn’t say.” Imogen shook her head. “But the lady visitor looked tired. She didn’t want anything to to eat or drink. She didn’t seem to want anything except to see you.” She tried to be helpful, telling him what little she knew. “I’m sorry, Commander. I don’t know much.”

 

“Maker’s Breath.” The expletive exhaled more than said while a metal-encased hand slammed something on the desk with a definitive thump.

 

The hand went through the dirty gold hair and the Commander came around the desk, heading for her and the door. Imogen hastily opened the door all the way and, once they were both through the door, she closed it again, scampering to get ahead of him. Neither of them said a word as they tramped through Skyhold to the Lady Ambassador’s office.

 

“Oh, there he is. Commander Cullen, you have a visitor, Lady…” Lady Ambassador stopped and waited for the auburn-haired lady to fill in her name.

 

Imogen watched as the lady, upon hearing the Commander’s name, jumped up as if startled, and turning, looked up at him. She reached out, but then pulled her hand back.  
  


“It… is... you,” Auburn-hair breathed. “I had hoped, but never believed… No, but Kinloch was never important until the Blight. And then…” She stopped.

 

“I had heard stories about what happened after I went to Aeonar.” The woman faltered and looked around, suddenly, as if she remembered that there were others around.

 

“I’m sorry, Commander.” She flushed and then turned pale, turned and walked very carefully back to her seat, sitting down quickly, her voice weak. “Perhaps I will have a bite, if you please?”

 

The Lady Ambassador looked up at Imogen, who nodded and slipped out and headed to the kitchens.

 

Imogen was pelted by questions as soon as she was out of the main hall and down where the little people worked. One of the perks of being a scout was that scouts got to see and hear more than others. Unfortunately, this also meant that they were often pestered for information, though Imogen and the other scouts tried their best to not let anything important slip.

 

“Just some lady to see Commander Cullen,” was all she would give them.

 

In the kitchens, Imogen was assaulted by more questons and gave back the same answer. She found a plate and started piling light foods on it. The kitchen staff, well acquainted with the strange hours that anyone around the Inquisitor kept, gave her little tidbits and one even gave her two mugs of hot tea. Someone else found a serving tray for her, two plates and the three mugs (she had grabbed one for herself as well - one never knew!), and thus equipped, she headed back out.

 

Instead of going back to the Lady Ambassador’s room, Imogen headed up and across the way to one of the guest rooms that was reserved for visiting dignitaries. The Lady Ambassador would need her office back, and the Commander and Auburn-hair needed some time, so one of the guest rooms would be made available for them. She passed some of the staff moving one of the dignitary’s items from one room to the other. She slipped into the room the stream of people and items were coming from and found Auburn-hair sitting on the bed, her head down and her hands clasped in front of her. She had a cloak around her and the Commander sitting next to her, looking confused and concerned.

 

Imogen set the tray on the table and, picking up one of the plates, handed it to the lady first, then went back for the other to give to the Commander. He gave her a curt nod, his attention still on the lady on the bed.

 

“Anything else, Commander?” Imogen asked quietly, not really wanting to disturb the two.

 

“No, Scout, but please, stay, in case we do?”

 

“Yes, Ser.” Imogen found herself a corner and a few bits that had fallen off the plates and settled in.

 

Auburn-hair accepted the plate and carefully nibbled at the food, sipping at the hot tea gratefully.

 

“You probably don’t remember me. You were a templar and I was only an initiate. I made a mistake though, in those days right before the Blight, and I was sent to Aeonar. My name is...”

 

“Lily!” The Commander breathed, disbelieving. A small, sad smile crossed Auburn-hair’s… Lily’s face.

 

“You do remember, then.”

 

The Commander shook his head. “I heard the rumors, I'm sure that I’d seen you around the Tower, but, I’m sorry, I don’t remember you.”

 

“It’s ok, Commander. I didn’t expect you to, really. I guess, I just kind of hoped…” Her voice trailed off and she just sat there a moment.

 

“What happened, Lily?” The Commander’s voice was soft and soothing as he handed her a slice of apple. She took it and nibbled before she answered him.

 

“I loved Jowan, and I thought he was innocent; that Greagoir was paranoid and starting to see blood mages everywhere. I found the order to have him made Tranquil and I told him. He tried… he tried to free us from the Circle. He used blood magic.”

 

Lily stopped her hands holding the apple slice trembling. “He used blood magic,” she continued after a steadying breath, “to free us. I was horrified. I couldn’t believe that all the rumors were true.” She looked up at the Commander. “After everything we’re told about Maleficars, I felt betrayed, used! Greagoir always said Maleficars would use us for their own ends. Standing there, in front of Greagoir, Irving and the other templars, I wanted to believe that he had used me.” She looked down at the plate again, though Imogen was pretty certain she wasn’t seeing the plate or the food. “I didn’t know what to do. I… turned myself in. Jowan ran and I went to Aeonar.

 

“It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. At least,” she frowned slightly, “at least not for me. I wasn’t a mage. They couldn’t make me turn into an abomination.” She frowned even more.

 

“Not to say that it was a walk in the park.” Lily’s voice turned slightly bitter. “Mages didn’t last long there. Their screams were…” She stopped and sighed. “Their screams were the stuff of nightmares.”

 

Imogen, still in her corner, shivered and felt mighty grateful she was safe at Skyhold and had never heard of this Aeonar place.

 

“How did you get out, Lily?” The Commander asked her gently and Lily shook her head. Imogen wasn’t sure if that meant she wasn’t done with her story yet, or if she didn’t know.

 

“The warden, Knight-Commander Brynn, would periodically send to Kinloch Hold to see if they could release me. He knew I wasn’t a mage. He knew what had happened, but Aeonar was a prison for mages and I was going to be a Templar. To him, it didn’t make sense for me to be there.

 

“But something changed. For months we didn’t receive any word from, well, anywhere. We knew tensions were high and that a war between mages and templars was coming, but we didn’t expect this.” Lily gestured at the open door. “We had heard about Kirkwall, and what happened afterwards. Then word came about the Conclave, and that was the last we heard. It was like we were alone in the world. No one came to bring supplies or news.

 

“I awoke a month ago and Aeonar was silent. It gets quiet at night, but there’s still sounds: the guard walking past, someone moving chains across the floor. This was different. Complete silence. I went to call for a guard and found my cell door was open. I went out and looked, but no one was there. The place was empty, Cullen.” She looked down at her hands, disbelief clear in her voice.

 

“Ten years of…“ Lily paused, trying to think of the right words, “being separate, hearing about events, but not even able to observe them. Three months of not even that and without warning, I was free. I didn’t know what to do, where to go. We had heard, of course, what happened during the Blight.” She reached out and tentatively put a hand over his. “I’m so sorry for what you went through.”

 

Imogen, so caught up in the woman’s tale, had been watching her intently, almost forgetting the Commander was sitting there listening as well.

 

“I am … healing,” The Commander said gruffly. Lily nodded and picked up her tale.

 

“I walked out of Aeonar on my own to feet.” Imogen thought Lily sounded a bit happy and prideful at that bit, though she wasn’t sure she blamed her.

 

”Outside was that, what did they call it, a Breach?” The Commander nodded, and Lily went on.  “I wandered for a few days. I didn’t move fast, I didn’t have any supplies, or the stamina to do a lot of walking. Some Dalish found me. They fed me, let me rest for a bit with them and were able to spare me some supplies and a hart.

 

”The Dalish couldn’t tell me much except that the Breach had appeared as the Conclave was destroyed. All the mages and templars that had attended were now all dead. They pointed me in the direction of a human village and sent me on my way.” Lily looked up at Cullen, a little confused and awestruck as she remembered the kindness of the strangers who had found her. “They were kind when they didn’t have to be. Reserved, but they did help me.

 

“When I got to the village, all the villagers could talk about was the death of Divine Justinia and the Inquisition. It was so confusing. No one seemed to know what to think. They did say that you, I mean the Inquisition, are being lead by a Herald of Andraste. Is that true?” Lily tilted her head to one side, her brows pulling together in curiosity as she watched the Commander’s face.

 

Imogen, who had never doubted since the Inquisitor had sealed the Breach, listened as well, interested in the Commander’s view on this subject.

 

“I don’t know if she is or not, Lily, but I do believe that she will beat Corypheus.” The Commander’s voice was confident and carried just a little bit more emotion than it probably should have. Imogen caught it because she knew how the Commander felt about the Inquisitor and she mentally smiled at this subtle proof of the Commander’s faith.

 

“You…” Lily apparently picked up on it as well, because she pulled back slightly, to examine the Commander’s face intently and she smiled, her whole face brightening. “You love her, don’t you?” The Commander’s answer was swift and certain.

 

“Yes, I do.”

 

Lily’s smile was bright, but it dimmed as she turned back to her half-eaten plate. “I should never abandoned him. If I’d really loved him. I could have helped him, kept him away from the blood magic, and he would have helped me. He only did it that night to save us… to save me.”

 

“We can’t change the past, Lily, but I’m sure that he forgave you.” The Commander gently patted Lily’s hands.

 

Lily’s smile was gone and now tears fell from her eyes, her voice was thick with them as she spoke again. “Do you think so?”

 

“I do.”

 

Lily was quiet long enough that Imogen looked up and frowned. Lily was just sitting there, head bowed. It was only after a few moments of watching her that Imogen noticed Lily’s shoulders shaking and the tears sliding off the woman’s nose onto the plate in her lap. The Commander slid closer and wrapped his arm around her, letting Lily cry. For ten years, this woman had been punishing herself for the choice she had made. Ten years, without anyone to talk to about what had happened. Ten years without any hope. The Commander handed her his napkin to wipe her tears and blow her nose. Imogen scooted over as silently as she could and handed him her own napkin before scooting back.

 

“Now,” the Commander’s voice was business-like, but warm, “what made you decide to come here?”

 

Lily sniffled, dabbing at her face with the napkin.“I have nowhere to go. I belonged to the Chantry, and have been in Aeonar for years. My family would never accept me back, even if I knew if they were still alive. I’m not a Templar, I’ve no craft skills.” She shook her head. “I heard people talking about the Inquisition’s Commander Rutherford, an ex-templar from Kinloch and Kirkwall. I couldn’t believe it would actually be you, but I had to try. I was rather hoping that you would take pity on an old acquaintance from days gone by and perhaps find me something to do?”

 

Lily sounded bleak and hopeful at the same time. Imogen found herself hoping that the Commander could find this forlorn woman something. She and Lily watched him, waiting. He looked thoughtful and was quiet for so long, Imogen thought she would burst with curiosity. After what felt like forever, a sly grin slowly spread across his lips.

 

“I think I could use a runner, actually. Someone to run messages for me or reports to various people. The cadets seem to think it’s an excuse to get out of training, but this way, they all get their training and I still get to work on my reports in peace.” Imogen could swear he looked at her out of the corner of his eyes. She concentrated on sitting still and looking innocent.

 

“Scout!” he called to her a moment later and she scrambled up and over to them.

 

“Ser!”

 

“What is your name, Scout?”

 

“Imogen Rocher, Ser!”

 

“Scout Rocher, I’m assigning you to Lily here. You will make sure she knows every inch of Skyhold and the village below. Just the first one for now. But she’ll need to know everyone of importance here and where they’re most likely to be at any hour of the day. Can you handle that?”

 

“Ser, I can, but Lady Leliana…”

 

“Will approve your new duties. I will speak to her myself.”

 

“Yes, Ser!”

 

“Lily will stay here for a few days, so she can rest up. Then she’ll move to wherever you scouts bed down.” When he turned back to Lily who looked at him incredulously, his voice was serious.

 

“I am what they said, Lily, an EX-templar. There are mages here that help the Inquisition. Some are important, some are part of our troops, but we do work with them on a daily basis. They help us fight and we do not dispel their powers. Will you be okay with that?”

 

At Lily’s nod, he continued. “There is still a Chantry, but the Templars are disorganized and in almost as feared as mages right now. Ser Barris does have a group of Templars under his command that are good though. You can join them after things settle down, and complete your training or we can find you something else to do. I’m not sure what, but we can figure that out later, if that’s what you want. You don’t have to decide now.” He stopped her as she started to speak. “You’ve been through much, and have a lot to work through yet, but we’ll help with that. Won’t we, Scout Rocher?”

 

“Yes, Ser!” Imogen said wholeheartedly. Lily looked at the two of them, tears welling in her dark eyes again.

  
“Thank you. Both of you,” was all she could get out before she buried her face in the napkin and cried again.


	2. I could love you, all the years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily settles into life after Aeonar, but Imogen feels like something is still missing. So Imogen turns to her boss, the infamous Spymaster of the Inquisition, for help.

True to his word, Commander Cullen spoke to Lady Leliana, who approved Imogen’s new duty as Lily’s trainer. Lily followed Imogen around, absorbing all she could about Skyhold, its people, its routines and its quirks. Periodically, the Commander would come down and steal Lily away.

 

Imogen kept a discreet eye on the two would as they talk, walking the ramparts, strolling through the garden or just praying together in the small room off the garden that held a statue of Andraste. In days to come, if she couldn’t find Lily, this is where she would inevitably find her. It was nice to see the Commander taking time off from work, and Imogen thought that it did Lily some good as well to have someone to talk to.

 

She grew to be quite fond of the auburn-haired Lily. Imogen found her to be quiet and thoughtful and the two got to be quite close, spending as much time as they did together. She enjoyed seeing Skyhold and its occupants through Lily’s eyes. She’d gotten used to most everyone, working with them day in and day out as she did, but Lily brought a new and fresh perspective and it made Imogen smile. Lily even made Imogen blush, having caught on to Imogen’s fascination with Solas fairly early on. Despite this, there was a sadness deep in Lily’s eyes that wouldn’t go away and Imogen could not forget her new friend’s confessions that first night.

 

~~~~

 

“Lady Leliana?” Imogen stood in front of the Spymaster’s table in the aerie, watching her boss organizing the raven messages.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I was wondering if you could help me find someone?”

 

“Oh?” Blazing green eyes were suddenly focused on her and Imogen fought not to squirm. She may be used to working with such important people, but that didn’t mean that they didn’t intimidate her still.

 

“I wanted to find someone for Lily, actually. She still seems like she’s a bit lost, and the night she arrived, she had mentioned that she loved someone and abandoned him.”

 

“Is that so?” Lady Leliana seemed to purr at her. Imogen squirmed a bit inside. Damned Orlesian accents, always sounded like they were seducing someone, even if they weren’t trying to.

 

“Yes, Serah. She never mentioned his name, but I did find a chance to ask the Commander about it, and he told me that Lily had been involved with a mage named Jowan. Do you think you could find him? I think it might help her to know where he’s gone off to. He would be an apostate now. Maybe he and Lily could talk, work things out.”

 

She stood there a few minutes, waiting as the Lady looked at her, the Lady’s expression unreadable in the afternoon light. She tried not to writhe and not to look away.

 

“Let me see what I can do.” Lady Leliana nodded, her hood moving slightly, a lock of red hair falling out to brush her cheek.

 

“Thank you, Serah!” Imogen stood at attention, saluted her boss and then turned to run down the stairs, happy to escape the intensity of the Lady’s attention.

 

~~~~

 

Skyhold was a-buzz with excitement. The King of Ferelden was coming to visit the Inquisitor! The Lady Ambassador had pulled out all the stops and was getting everyone to help tidy and polish the place up. Imogen could have sworn that she saw the large Qunari friend of the Inquisitor’s, The Iron Bull, as well as his Chargers, in the main hall polishing every scrap of silver the Lady Ambassador could find.

 

The Commander was training extra hard, pushing his troops that little bit extra. Lily swore he never slept, but would have her running messages about Skyhold at all hours, night or day. The Inquisitor was out again, closing rifts somewhere and saving people. Lily was now used the Commander’s mood swings when the Inquisitor was away.

 

Imogen was pretty sure the Commander was less growly with Lily than he had been with any of the other scouts, but she kept that little observation to herself. The Lady Leliana too, was hard at work. With background checks on visitors, helping the Lady Ambassador finding the rare items that she needed, as well as her regular duties, the Spymaster kept her scouts busy running back and forth. When Lily would commiserate about the Commander’s hours, Imogen could only agree as she was pretty certain no one was sleeping until the King arrived.

 

Trumpets sounded and everyone froze. There they were again. A royal fanfare. Everyone scurried to finish the chore they were working on and then to tidy themselves up. By the time the Royal procession arrived at the gates, Skyhold was decked out in Ferelden colors.

 

Banners bearing the King’s crest hung side by side with banners showing the Inquisition’s sigil. Anyone who could afford new clothes had ordered something in Ferelden’s colors as well. Everything looked so bright and shiny, Imogen could barely remember how it had looked when they first arrived, so empty, broken and desolate. She smiled to think of the changes they had brought to the lonely castle in the mountains. Lily, standing beside her, nudged her in the ribs.

 

Imogen started to glare up at her friend when she caught sight of the Inquisitor walking down the path, the Commander, Lady Ambassador and Lady Leliana right behind her. Following them were the companions the Inquisitor had picked up, including Solas.

 

Imogen’s eyes nearly popped out of her head as she watched him walk past her, decked out in wolf furs and white halla leather. Her ribs got another nudge and she remembered to shut her mouth and stop staring. She blinked and could feel her cheeks burn as Solas turned, looked at her and smiled his small, knowing smile. She swore that he could read her thoughts, and she was pretty sure she’d just been admiring how well the leathers accentuated his rump! Then they were gone, turning a curve in the path that would lead them down to the bridge that was the only way in and out of Skyhold.

 

Half an hour, and some fidgeting later, the whole procession came back, this time with the King and his retinue. The King was walking with the Inquisitor, chatting amiably. Imogen couldn’t hear what was said, but it did look like everyone was happy. She felt Solas’ eyes again as they went past, but this time, she concentrated on looking like a good soldier, and managed not to blush, mostly.

 

Imogen ate lunch with Lily the next day in the main hall, where a buffet was set up as usual so people could come and go as they had breaks in their jobs. They were just discussing what everyone in the King’s retinue had worn the night before at the large gala the Lady Ambassador had organized, when two shadows fell over them. The pair of them looked up to see Commander Cullen and King Alistair standing at the table, each carrying a plate of food. King Alistair’s seemed to be primarily cheeses. Before either Imogen or Lily could scramble out of their seats, the Commander’s warm baritone froze them.

 

“Do you two ladies mind if we join you for a bite to eat?”

 

Speachless, the two women nodded and scooted down to make room. The Commander sat next to Lily and Imogen could barely breathe proper as the King… the King of Ferelden sat next to her!

 

The four made small talk while they ate. Well, two really. The King and the Commander did most of the talking. Lily and Imogen couldn’t seem to find their tongues for a bit. The two men took their time though, sharing anecdotes and gently teasing each other until the two women eventually relaxed and were able to at least contribute mono-syllables to the conversation.

 

King Alistair set his mug down and gave a rather inelegant burp, smiling indolently the whole time. “Lady Josephine does find the most wonderful cheeses. You can’t let me forget to ask her about them, Commander.”

 

Cullen only nodded, looking rather full himself. Imogen had finally relaxed enough to realize something was up. It wasn’t only unusual for the Commander to eat in the main hall with the rest of them, but for him and the King to sit with mere scouts! She glanced at Lily, who seemed to be thinking much the same thing. Both of them jumped when King Alistair cleared his throat and spoke again, with a hint of wariness.

 

“Cullen was telling me that you were in Kinloch Hold with him before the Blight, Lady Lily.” The King smiled gently at Lily, who was suddenly flushed and then pale again.

 

“Yes, I was.” Lily answered cautiously.

 

“He also said that you had another acquaintance there. A mage by the name of Jowan.” The King’s voice had lost all of its teasing, but it still seemed soothing. Imogen looked at him, trying to get a feel for what was going to happen, but the King’s face was neutral and he was focused on her friend. Lily, meanwhile, had frozen at Jowan’s name, staring at the King with wide, dark eyes.

 

“I don’t know if you heard, but I did travel with the Hero of Ferelden before I was King.”

 

Lily nodded a little stiffly. “Yes, your Grace. Knight-Commander Brynn, he would give me news of what was happening outside.” She smiled slightly. “His favorite tales were of the two Ferelden Grey Wardens who single-handedly stopped the Blight. He would repeat that often.”

 

“Ah, yes, well then.” Imogen could have sworn the King was blushing as he mimicked the Commander's movement and rubbed the back of his neck. “While we were out and about trying to gather allies to help us stop the Blight, we went to Redcliffe. My uncle is Arl there, you see, and I was rather hoping that he would be able to provide us some troops.” Imogen thought the King was watching Lily a bit more intently now and she tensed. “We happened to find a mage there, locked up in Arl Eamon’s dungeon. He said his name was Jowan. Well, things happened, there was a demon you see, and, well, Jowan never left the castle, I’m afraid. I am sorry, Lily.” He reached over to hold Lily’s hand in his.

 

“We were able to talk to him, before we left. He asked Enchanter Wynne - she had come with us from Kinloch Circle - to pass something on for him. Well, all of us really, but he only knew Wynne, so …

 

“He asked that if we ever found an auburn-haired woman named Lily, could we tell her that he was sorry and that he never stopped loving her?” The King stopped, suddenly, and Imogen could tell he was at a loss for words, but most of her attention was for her friend, who was silently crying across the table.

 

Lily’s shoulders shook as she cried and Commander Cullen gathered her into his arms, quietly consoling her. Imogen cried as well, she couldn’t help it. It was all too sad and romantically tragic. A napkin appeared in front of her and she accepted it, wiping at her own tears.

 

“In the end, Lily, he sacrificed himself to save a child,” the King added quietly.

 

They were all quiet for a few moments. Lily’s face was still hidden in the Commander’s furs.

 

“What will happen to Lily now, Your Majesty?” Imogen asked quietly, wanting to distract herself and give her friend a little bit of privacy.

 

“Well, uh…” The King scratched his nose a little self-consciously, Imogen thought. “Whatever she wants. She is free. She can stay here and help Cullen. She can become a Templar if she wishes, or she can be a blacksmith if she wants. Although,” the King kept talking. Imogen knew he was looking for a way to lighten the mood, but wanted to give Lily time and the room to grieve. “I wouldn’t be opposed if she wanted to start a dairy and make a new cheese. I do enjoy a good cheese.” His voice trailed off. Imogen giggled a little awkwardly, hiccuping a few times as the King gazed wistfully at the full buffet of cheeses the Lady Ambassador had made sure to have especially for him.

 

“I could have saved him,” Imogen could hear Lily chanting quietly, over and over again as the Commander held her.

 

“He forgave you, Lily,” Commander Cullen whispered to her when she stopped for a shuddering breath. “He loved you and he forgave you. Forgive yourself.”

 

“Have you?” Lily asked, her face still buried in his breastplate and furs. The question wasn’t accusatory, but desperate and Imogen could see his understanding. Commander Cullen stroked her friend’s hair and looked up, locking eyes with the Inquisitor who had just come out of the Undercroft. She smiled at him and he returned the smile. Imogen could see the love the Commander and the Inquisitor shared, and how it had been a healing balm to the Commander before he answered Lily with what sounded a bit like surprise beneath the calmness in his voice.

 

“Yes, I have.”

 

Imogen could only hope that some of that balm would rub off on her friend’s broken heart.

 

~~~~

  
A month later, a plain wrapped package showed up on the Spymaster’s desk. Lady Leliana opened the package carefully and found a new pair of high fashion Orlesian shoes made of sea silk.  She looked carefully at all the wrappings, but couldn’t find any note to say who the shoes were from, but she had an inkling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah - this story got away from me.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my fill for the Fall Challenge over in the Fellowship of Cullenite Writers on Facebook. My prompt - Cullen meets someone from the past. I initially wanted to go with Greagoir, but in looking through the World of Thedas Vol.2, I ran across a small bit about Lily - the Initiate whom Jowan loved in Dragon Age Origins, if you took the Mage origin (which I mostly did ... do). I've never really liked Lily. Not sure I disliked her, but I never really felt empathetic towards her. She was "safe" in their relationship, until the whole getting the phylactory debacle. Even then, though, she turns her back on Jowan. 
> 
> According to WoTv2, Lily does go to Aeonar, but as she's not a mage, the Templars there can't force her to become an abomination. Over time, she does regret abandoning Jowan. After the Breach, Aeonar is found empty, with no signs of anything. So I was curious - what would happen if Lily was alive? Where would she go? Who would she turn to?
> 
> Also - I would like to thank my proof-readers, Victoria and Rachel!


End file.
